The Grave, Grace, and Gratitude

On this day last year, just before midnight, Tony bade us goodbye, never to return. And as I remember that day, three words burst in my head unbidden. I'd like to reflect on them as my family and I commemorate his first death anniveresary,    

Grave: Visiting Tony’s grave is not meant to be a ritual or to dwell on the past. We were not there on All Saints’ Day or All Souls’ Day. But when time allows (same home, different schedules), we visit—more to process our grief and to honor his memory. 

I know too well that the grave represents our mortality, an end to our earthly life. It serves as a reminder of the brevity of life, and the fact that “All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return." (Ecclesiastes 3:20) 

Grace: To believers like me, it is the free, unmerited gift of God; the force that keeps us alive and well, despite our unworthiness.  It emphasizes a kindness bestowed upon us that we have not earned and will never deserve. It allows our grief to be near but not close enough to make us despondent or depressed.  

Gratitude: This is our natural response to the grace we receive.  Awareness of grace leads to a deep sense of gratitude, quietly transforming our outlook from the pangs of grief to the pomp of glory. 

Even amidst the raw pain of grief, the beauty of a loved one's memory and our belief in God’s faithfulness encourage us to give heartfelt thanksgiving.  

The Latin root word for both "grace" and "gratitude" is gratis. When gratis is given by God, it's grace; when we receive it, it becomes gratitude. This connection suggests a circle. Receiving grace leads to gratitude, which in turn enables us who are grateful to channel that grace to others. 

Together, all three words (grave, grace, and gratitude) describe accurately what I feel when I am by Tony’s grave. And I pray it is the same with my sons, my sister, and all kith and kin who visit.