Why Don’t You Have a Boyfriend?

The world has turned upside down while I was busy getting old. 

Now I hear some single girls lamenting why titas and friends of their moms always ask,  “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?  

The question suggests a tragedy; the reaction suggests hurt pride. Both puzzle me.  

In the Jurassic world where I grew up, values were different. If you belong to my generation (baby boomers), you know where that is. But if you are of this age (Gen X, Y, and Z), well, you may take this as a lesson in history or humor, whichever is more hilarious.  

Let me summarize our elders’ “words of wisdom” that my cousins and I often heard at home and in family gatherings. 

“Choose your boyfriend very carefully because you’ll eventually marry him.” Meaning, your boyfriend will not propose marriage; it is understood that he will be your husband. From the moment he says, "I love you," his fate is sealed. 

“If a man tries to touch you, he does not respect you.” Meaning, intimacy is not allowed in a relationship. It is reserved for marriage. 

“Why commit yourself to one man when you can cherish the company of others?” Meaning, if you are not in a relationship, you are free to enjoy yourself minus the restrictions of a commitment to only one. 

“If you break up with your boyfriend, the world will look at you as a stained woman.” Meaning, a lady who has had a boyfriend is a second-hand merchandise. 

“A wise, smart lady is complete; she is not a part of a whole. Meaning, those who are aching for a boyfriend feel insufficient or inadequate.     

Now, if you have or had a boyfriend/s, go ahead, ROFL.  

In my time, being a virgin bride was a badge of honor. The groom had valor. And the question, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” was never asked. 

So if people ask this today, I suggest five bold counter questions for that one eerie query. 

(On a sentimental note, I remember my mom, my titas, and their friends. They were a guiding grace for my choices in life.) 

P.S. This blog post's alternative title: Why don't You Have a Girlfriend? 

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". . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 NIV)